Notice that one foot has painted toenails and the other does not. Got too sleepy to finish the job. Halfway done is good enough for me.
Notice the tan lines I’m sporting from a day spent at San Francisco’s toxic beach.
My Forth of July celebration was calm and contained. I woke up around 9:00 am, after hearing my phone vibrate. It was my father. I hadn’t talked to him in a few weeks as he’d spent the last week at band camp, playing music with friends a. We chatted about this and that. He asked me how things have been at work, he told me about a conflict he’s been having with one of his friends, I told him about a similar conflict I’ve been having. I am always surprised to find out how much me and my father have in common. He told me he loves me and that he is proud of me. I don’t think he’d ever told me that before.
I spent the rest of the morning setting up/cleaning up my “photograpy studio” which is really just a large sheet hung on one wall of my bedroom. This was a really frustrating process. I’m no professional when it comes to photography and I am realizing that I lack some of the basic tools (good lighting equipment and gaffe tape, to be specific).
I texted a friend to ask if me and a few of my housemates could go swimming in his pool. Then I took some self-portraits. While I was in the middle of doing some test photographs (while naked, of course) my friend Kate called. We chatted for a bit. She’s been having some back problems which led us to a discussion about the second chakra – we talked about it in terms of home, safety, and power dynamics, but what I read about the sacral chakra dealt more with creativity and sexuality:
The second chakra is known as the sacral plexus chakra spleen chakra or sexual chakra. It is situated in the lower abdomen behind and approximately two inches from the belly button, in the area of the womb. The chakra is represented by the orange Svadhistthana mandala (ones own place), the element of water and it is also symbolised by a fish. It is the source of creativity and inspiration. The second chakra is the foundation of the emotional body, it influences our ability to feel emotions, sensations and atmospheres, and controls our ability to let go of our emotions. The second chakra influences our sexuality and sensuality, physical force, sexual and ardent love, open-mindedness, our ability to yield and cooperating amicably with other people. This chakra physically influences the lower abdomen, spleen, liver, bladder, kidneys, sexual organs, reproduction and fertility. When the sacral plexus chakra is performing correctly, the person will feel healthy, open, friendly, imaginative and creative which helps us to focus on our objectives. The person will have concern for others as it promotes tolerance and patience which in turn helps us to relate with others in a positive manner. When this chakra is balanced it encourages intuition, a good frame of mind, energy and success. It helps you to learn from our experiences whether they be successes or failures providing us with the focus we need for our ambitions.
If this chakra is not working properly it cause negative influences in the physical, this is seen in the form of emotional problems or sexual guilt, and excesses in food, sex and drugs. If this chakra is not working properly it creates negative influences in the physical this is seen in the form of bladder infections, impotence or frigidity and problems with the reproductive organs and fertility. If this chakra has too much energy moving through it, we may become self-centred and too ambitious, jealous, distrusting and cold. If too little energy is flowing then we may become shy, hyper-sensitive, untrusting, confused, uncertain, with a growing feeling of aimlessness to our life.
Unblocking & balancing aids to help realign the second or sacral plexus chakra – We can help to balance this chakra by dancing, laughing and having a good time with our friends.
Around 1:30 some of the roommates and I gathered to go swimming at one of the former housemate’s pool. I hadn’t been swimming since I moved to the city nearly a year and a half ago. The pool was warm, and two, four-year-old girls made it very clear that the pool was their territory and that our purpose was to help entertain them. They asked us what our names were, yelled at us, rode on our shoulders and arms, asked us to swim faster, and generally made me laugh. I love partially domesticated humans (kids). They express their needs effortlessly, are persistent, unafraid, warm, affectionate – I learn so much by being around kids (especially when I don’t have to take them home with me).
I was expressing the above statements to a few of my housemates when I got home, and was met with the argument that adult needs are more complicated than children’s needs so of course children feel more comfortable expressing themselves. I don’t know how much I agreed with her feelings. I might perceive my needs to be more complicated because, as an adult, I have to figure out ways of getting my needs met without yelling or hitting, without being overly emotional but still being true to myself, and most importantly without having or needing to completely control or depend on others, this requires work.
I briefly attempted to attend two other parties, but my will wasn’t there. My days of endless party hopping have been on hold for a few years now, and getting back into the routine of continual socializing will be meant with a certain amount of resistance. I seem to only have the capacity to hand out with a few trusted confidants. This does not mean that I’m not open to new people, it just means I’ve accepted my own limitations.
I s’pose I should write a little about the dress pictured above. It’s the first article I’ve worn for the start of the project. I’ll hopefully get a chance to post the specifics of design and how it relates to the Confederate flag soon. It’s made from a bamboo rayon/lycra blended fabric. I stole design components from both the butter by nadia and emami transformable dresses. The best of bot worlds. I don’t think this photo does it much justice (I am having a hard time figuring out how to photograph black clothing), but the dress is absolutely fabulous. I love having it on my body. A woman with large black sunglasses told me I looked “absolutely stunning” today. This was post swim, so I felt pretty good about myself. Getting compliments from strangers about clothes that I’ve made for myself is unreal. The feelings I get are unimaginably wonderful. This dress is a champ when it comes to multifunctionality. I’ve done two years worth of research with a similar model, so y’all will be able to see just how much a simple garment like this does.
At 9:30pm I joined a few friends to watch the various firework shows happening around San Francisco (both city sponsored and rogue). The sky sparkled under the almost full moon. M-80s boomed. I wondered what life would be like if opposing countries battled in the skies, seeing who had the prettiest fireworks, instead of figuring out who has the best man-killing machines. I suppose it would smell like burning a lot, and the skies would be smokey. There would probably be a fine layer of ash over everything. I was glad, for the first time in many months, to be on this planet. Finally coming out from under my work. Liking this body I was given.
Love and enjoy!